Hmmmmm ahhhhhh
If you have seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire you will know the sound of the Beauxbatons girls: an airy, wispy, high-pitched sustained sigh. It suits them well when they’re dancing down the great hall, but wouldn’t be welcome in repeated application. In fact it would get rather irritating. Which is why I had to bite my tongue when I went to see new Head Doctor.
I met with Head Doctor with an odd mixture of apprehension and hope: as much as I didn’t love the prospect of building a new relationship, I did look forward to feeling the comfort I used to get. Except, it didn’t quite go like that.
Firstly, Head Doctor is about 12. OK maybe not 12, but I get the distinct impression that she’s a psychology graduate who has done a course in counselling. (In comparison, my last Head Doctor worked as a mental health nurse, then did a bachelors degree in counselling and a masters degree in psycho-dynamic therapy). I’m not saying that it means she’s a bad counsellor, it’s just, I think she was out of her depth with me.
I gave her a brief background and said to her
I need some help getting through this rocky patch, so I can find some stability.
She went silent for about 90 seconds (I counted) and then sighed. Hmmmmm, ahhhhh. Just like she was from Beauxbatons. She didn’t say anything. The silence got to me:
I feel like I should say something. I’m not used to it being quiet. Should I say something?
Hmmmmm, ahhhhh. You can say something if you want to.
Great, thanks, that helps. More silence.
Hmmmmm, ahhhhh. So what did you say you want to get out of counselling?
I was a bit confused. Did I not just tell her the answer to that, and she said nothing in response?
The session was a lot of Hmmmmm Ahhhhhh from her, and a lot of silence from me. Eventually I said I really just wanted a referral to the CBT therapist – which is my ultimate goal, but right now I’m a bit too frazzled to take on that challenge. I wanted to stabilise my poor brain before I embark on a mission to address my behaviour. That was why I wanted to have some more counselling.
New Head Doctor said to think about what I wanted (again! I already told her!) and come back next week. I called my old Head Doctor and arranged an appointment with her instead. Sometimes I just need to talk to someone who understands me.
I found the session frustrating, disheartening and quite depressing. Rather disappointing really.
